If any of you are reading this and are friends of Ryan...please don't tell him I'm posting any of this. He gets weird about what people know about our personal lives....for the most part it's protected to a relatively small group of people, but still...personal. I just need an outlet, and I'm tired of making him feel bad about it. We're not making it. I know, everyone is having rough times right now...but really....we're not making it. Fuck this economy. Wedding planning is on hold, and forget even thinking about a family anytime soon. It's depressing. It really is. I try not to show it...but it really does just make me wonder why we're fighting it. The answer? What other choice do we have? None.

The dog got picked up the other day...luckily they didn't fine us for not having him registered and not having his shots up to date...just charged us $40 to do it for us, which is what I've been trying to get for months. It's a LOT less than the vet would charge. They gave us info on neutering him and the cat's shots too, so there's the only good news I've heard all week.

we STILL haven't gotten our tax return money, which was supposed to be paying the rent we haven't had the cash for since I've been sick and Ryan's been out of work. As it is, we've been paying very few of our bills and his mom's been buying us groceries. Job interview after job interview is driving him nuts and I feel more guilty every day for having a job I just can't muster up the energy and health to do on a full time basis. Maybe nothing's really wrong with me. Maybe it's just the way it's supposed to be.

to top it all off, we got the official "termination" of lease letter yesterday that gave us 10 days (from the 13th!!!!) to pay or forfeit possession of the property. That's Saturday!!!! I've been frantically calling and emailing my landlord trying to resolve this, but even if he doesn't kick us out this weekend...where are we supposed to live? He terminated our lease! There's no way we can afford a security deposit and moving expenses right now. We're going to end up abandoning a lot of our shit, I can see that now. I'm not even sure where we're supposed to go? Especially anywhere remotely accessible to work.

even if i could work full time I wouldn't be making enough to bring us back up to speed. i've NEVER been this down, and we just keep getting kicked. it's affecting our relationship, our health, and our home. it's affecting things i thought unflappable.

so what now?
?

Believe that you will be getting a miracle! I know it sounds a but too optimistic for times like this but sometimes it just helps.
» Nuttz on 2009-05-21 08:34:23

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.